Savannah Morning News - 1 July 2006

Fashion Mistakes

What happens when you see someone making a fashion or style mistake? Do you point it out to them?  Or how do you respond when someone points a mistake out to you?  This is a topic I get asked about often - clients either receiving on-going commentary from their partners or friends on their faux-pas and what to do, or hearing from someone who sees themselves as an 'expert' and feels that their purpose in life is to point out other peoples mistakes (all under the pretense of being of great service, of course).

So what is the etiquette around “fashion mistakes”? Firstly, being stylish does have its own rules, rather like grammar.  Sartorial etiquette dictates that some forms of fashion are appropriate and some are not. Even in this age of diversity and new trends.   

Here is a list of definite no-no's relating to style:

1.    Dressing Younger – Sparkly eye shadow at sixty-four will not look the same as on an eighteen year old.  Equally, too short a skirt will look good on a cheerleader but rarely works on a woman over thirty.  The trend at the moment is to look young though; so, women are feeling pressure to wear younger styles and share their wardrobe with their teenage girls. “Don't!” is the simple answer. In Paris, for instance, a woman knows, at least implicitly, that her age is a virtue and her clothing is a natural reflection of her status and competence.  Since a young girl gives the impression of having less experience and knowledge and a life ahead of her to learn, the typical middle-aged or older Parisian woman would balk at the thought of dressing like her teenage daughter, seeing that as something of a grotesque distortion of her own proper station in life and way of being.
2.    Dressing Too Up or Down – Over-compensating or under-compensating is one of the worst style mistakes a person can make. It most often occurs in the office or on a date when people are keen to make a memorable impression or, conversely, in situations where they want to underplay themselves. This rule often ties into someone's self-esteem.  If you have feelings of grandeur you may reflect that by wearing the Full McCoy to the office and end up looking like the Vice-President or CEO rather than the Assistant.  In contrast, if you have a lack of confidence, then you may dress in an excessively understated or dull and uninteresting way, so that you have an unconsciously “face-saving” excuse, should you be rejected.  My own view is that you feel your best when you are authentic and dress for the role you play and who you are.  If you want success, then “authority dressing” is the best approach to use, which is entirely different from going overboard.
3.    Poor Clothing Hygiene – There are some that believe a pair of socks should be worn until they literally fall apart on your feet, or that you can wear a shirt a few days in a row with the help of Febreeze.  We all expect you to adhere to basic rules of personal hygiene – shower hair and body, anti-perspirant, clean face and neck – but if you adorn your body with poor / old clothing, unironed clothes, a dirty shirt collar and a grey washed out bra, then you are doing yourself a definite disservice. How you look after yourself conveys to some degree how you will look after others, and also it can be a sign of poor mental health – people might wonder if you are “all there.”  Remember that some unkempt ways have passed into trends – ripped jeans for one – but that is a symbol of the punk era and has other cultural meanings. If you wear a pair of Versace's with ripped knees people will probably only question whether you were “ripped off”.  
4.    Too Much Information – There is nothing worse than trying to savour your favourite dish in a restaurant while the man at the table opposite has his sweaty belly hanging out of his shirt.  Puts you off your food, to say the least!  A few weeks ago, I was in St Johns Shopping area in Jacksonville in a restaurant and my table neighbour decided to take off his t-shirt while eating.  Even though that’s okay for the beach and though he had a flattering figure, I didn't want to experience it firsthand, especially while dining.  A bulging cleavage is another other off-putter; one simply needs to get better fitting clothes.  If you are exposing too much with the intention of drawing attention to you, you will only receive the wrong kind. Every man will tell you that it is the “hidden” element that catches the imagination and the eye and not what is being given to you on a plate! Trousers that are too short also fit into this category:  men should wear their trousers sitting on their lower heel and not their ankle.  Likewise, tattoos, piercings, patterns, leather, as well as expressions of political allegiance, sports team loyalty, or sexual innuendo can be hugely off-putting to those whose affection or attention you’re trying to get, even though you might think it innocuous, humorous, or otherwise a necessary statement of personal pride.  Please, keep your patriotic slogans, symbols, and flags in your political party rallies or proudly display them on your bumper stickers and road signs, but keep them out of your wardrobe!


The best advice I can give about whether to point out to a friend a fashion mistake, is not to give out your advice.  Unless you are sincerely being asked for your honest opinion or are being paid for it, it is not likely going to be received well.  If fashion advising isn’t your area of personal or professional expertise, keep in mind that it’s really your subjective feeling or opinion. Even if it is a “major” sartorial rule that you think they are breaking, generally it’s in bad taste to point this out.  I think that the best policy is to lead by example rather than to become a critic.  If you are concerned that a friend's style could lead her or him into unpleasant or dangerous territory, then by all means say something. But, I think that there is a thin line between creating your own style and making a sartorial mess of things, and that it is really up to the person to learn from their own mistakes.  And if you find yourself on the other side of the issue, with someone insisting that they know better than you and eager to treat you to their unwanted fashion recommendations, simply smile, wink, and say, "Thank you for your opinion, but when I want a fashion consultant, I’ll hire a good one!”


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©2006 Sarah Whittaker  [www.thewardrobeshrink.com].
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Sarah Whittaker has been featured in numerous newspapers and magazines worldwide, and writes The Wardrobe Shrink Newsletter full of the latest fashion trends, celebrity style and honest image advice.

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