Teen Esteem

Research shows that dissatisfaction with body image grows with a girl's age. While 75% of girl's ages 8-9 years say they like the way they look, only 56% of girl's ages 12-13 feel that way.  Hopefully, circumstances intervene and by the time the girl grows to become a woman she will have gained more confidence in herself. But, this is not the case.  Research shows only as few as 2% of women around the world feel comfortable about describing themselves as beautiful. (Research from Dove Campaign for Real Beauty).

What affect does this have on teenage girls? If you have a feeling that you are not attractive, then by telling yourself this over and over again it becomes a belief. Once it is instilled in your mind then your self-esteem is impacted and rather than having a healthy body image you have a negative body image.

Most clients I work with have had experiences in their teenage years relating to their body image that they still carry today.  I remember working with a successful, top London lawyer who remembers a friend telling her, as a teenager, that she was 'stocky'.  As a result, she tends to 'cover-up' and feels very self-conscious about herself. It has limited her ability to approach potential partners and restricted her dating life. 

As adults, we learn to discern what we take seriously from what we don't. For a teenager it is harder to do this, and teenage girls are much more susceptible to criticism and will believe what someone else says about them.  A negative body image or low self-esteem is often taken into adulthood.  These negative beliefs translate into limitations that you put on yourself as you have a limiting view of yourself.  For a teenager, this can affect the choices and what she feels 'entitled' to – where to go to college, what work to do and what friends to have.  

So, how does a teenager get out from being under the spell of her beliefs? How does she find her own confidence in herself and be comfortable with her own style? By realising her 'assets'.  Everyone has their own unique qualities that distinguish them from the next person. A woman with style understands what her assets are and emphasises them in how she looks. A woman with poor self-esteem will emphasise her negative beliefs and without realising will actually dress them. So ask your teenage daughter or friend what she believes her best assets are. If she can't tell you, then help her by giving her some examples. I am sure you will think of many! Include aspects of her personality and how she looks. Then talk through each asset and brainstorm how she can translate that quality into a form of style. For example, if she has a great sense of humour then she could translate that by wearing funky colors or designs. If she is intelligent and articulate, she could translate it into smooth lines and a more formal, minimalist look. 

Also ask your teenage daughter or friend how she thinks her friends would describe her? How do they relate to her? It is important to understand how she thinks others see her, as it may actually be completely different from a) how they really see her or b) who she really is. When we look in the mirror, how we perceive ourselves can be different from how we look. It is the same for other people. They all have their own view of how we look and it is important to ensure your daughter or friend surrounds herself with people that reinforce her positive qualities and that don't try to pull her down.  Sometimes people with low self-esteem will do this to others in order to make themselves feel better.

With the 'perfect' female images that are portrayed in the media, the demands to be a fashionista and the focus of the major brands on the teenage market, it is wonder that teenage girls are not feeling an element of pressure. It is extremely important that we educate our teenage girls to understand that the most important ingredient of being stylish or looking great is the girl and not the clothes.  Clothing is used to enhance and complement only and allows a person to express who they really are. Help your daughters and teenage friends to express who they are and be happy with that. There life will then be open to much more possibility.

Sarah is leading a 'Teen Esteem' event in Waycross on April 22nd on behalf of the Waycross Service League.

Some useful resources:
http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

Sarah offers Image Consultations to help you build your self-esteem.

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©2006 Sarah Whittaker  [www.thewardrobeshrink.com].
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Sarah Whittaker has been featured in numerous newspapers and magazines worldwide, and writes The Wardrobe Shrink Newsletter full of the latest fashion trends, celebrity style and honest image advice.

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